Open Road

Relationship expert Dalma Heyn asks not what is good for marriage but what is good for women in marriage—a question, she finds, that promises a much different answer and more fulfilling lives
Marriage, as we are told, makes a woman complete, more womanly. Why, then, do so many brides discover that the fun-loving, passionate single gal they used to be has been transformed into a woman recognizable only as a wife—a woman who unconsciously represses her own needs, wants, and vitality “for the sake of the marriage”?
Attacking the pervasive cultural myths that ask a wife to choose between her marriage and her own growth and self-expansion, Marriage Shock explores the ways in which wives can overcome deeply ingrained social and personal expectations and flourish both as wives and as individuals.
This ebook features a new introduction by Dalma Heyn and an illustrated biography including rare photos from the author’s personal collection.

ALTERNATE TITLES

Marriage Shock seemed perfect, not only because wedlock is a form of culture shock, but also because one dictionary definition of “shock” is “a sudden depression of vital signs”—a perfect explanation of what I was seeing in young wives. The subtitle was trickier, and didn’t come till after I finished the book. My husband suggested The Transformation of Women into Wives and reminds me to this day of his enormous contribution to my work.

The themes in The Erotic Silence—the particular quality of wives’ pain, the self-monitoring and even self-erasure in response to a sense that they were not “good” enough wives—had resonated with so many women around the world that I wanted to look at how and when that process began. Did any such feelings begin at the altar? Was it caused by an issue in the relationship? Again, national statistics suggested that something was hurting wives tremendously, even young wives; this, I though, might account for both the depression so common in wives (but not in husbands). Moreover, it might be one reason why over two thirds of all divorces are initiated by wives. But no one really knew why wives were depressed and, more fascinating, no one but statisticians—and women themselves--really believed it to be true.